sleepless on the eve of sch

I just spent all in all about 4 hours watchin Grey;’s,
On the eve of the first day of school what is up with me?
Exactly what is up with me?
I had a major freaking out session and I had nobody to call.
I contemplated like hell and guess who I called?
My mom.(pronounced as mmmm-om)
She remedied me to drink choya umeshu..
She said I must be stressed. Am I stressed? I don’t know ...
Becos it was the last resort, maybe cos I’ve been running away from a lot of problems. Does that also explain all the crazy shopping sprees and the excessive elusive partying? Am I not normal? I called mY MOM at 4:15am. She sleeps 17 steps below me.
There r some pple moms cannot replace. They cannot replace someone who sayangs n lulls u to sleep.

Women are creatures who needs to hear nice stuff.
The only stuff I hear nowadays are whatever I hear on the radio, on my ipod and on grey’s cos that’s the only few things I’ve been tuned into. Maybe a few sms-es once in a while.
Wha lau eh.Im pathetic.
Yes I may be all miss independent at times
But sometimes..it’s so difficult.
this is just one off.whatever im feelin right now.
I think there are a few very nice boys who r really concerned about me, I mean this is really private but im tryin to be very grown up about it n not run away.
So im tryin to build relationships here, very healthy friendships here and I hope everyone understands but how??
I’m single , yes, I may be fun to go out with, hang out with, but seriously..must everything lead to something?
Can it ever lead to nothing? Please?

This is probably also one of the reasons why GIRLS DON’T: go to the army. Cos they need to talk incessantly to make themselves feel at ease, feel worthy for what they do.
The sergeants prob have to assure each female soldier that they r good ten thousand times before they go to war and yada yada
Guys somehow can JUST Stomach everything in and be fine.
Hats off to men for not being build the way we’re build.

Im so upset with myself. U know what I feel like doing?I feel like calling the jack-ass guy from California Fitness at Novena and tell him to sign me up for one year membership.
He’s beeen calling me like CRAZY and I’[ve been rude like “ im at work, I have to go NOW”, “ sorry jack, im studying” , “sorry, in class right now” I have no idea who refer-ed my number to him, but that person ought to be shot.

I feel like taking up all of the free time I have in the world and be selfish and spend it ALL ON MYSELF.
Cos I don’t know what I want.
Okay?I can go out , hang out, but what? Will u be my friend? Just a friend?
How shall we continue this? Can I be trust-ing enough that there r good guys who only wanna be friends?Then how?What if they start feeling?
But HOW is it possible that they feel but I don’t feel it back?
WHY?YES THAT’S THE DAMNED QUESTION I”VE BEEN TRYIN TO ASK.. WHY ?

N then I’ll look like the bad guy.Trust me. I swear I have not been stringing anybody on.
So I think the only solution is to just cut it all.
Then im back to square one.n it’ll start all over again.& who’s fault is it?
Me? U? we cant really point fingers here can we?
Know what??

Sarah..JUST DEAL WITH IT, I will deal with it.
Feelings are very delicate but unlike somebody, I will NOT choose to run away.
Cos as much as I wish to just cut it all away n run as fast as I can, when the time comes I’ll deal with it, be very polite n watch me try to keep my friends.
Sarah n her merry men. Hur hur. Great sarah.
I hope this all will blow over soon.
The emotional stress im suffering is TREMENDOUS.

It is 443am and im still watching grey’s,oh the freedom of school is exhilarating.
The sleeping in, the non-reporting to no one else but myself. I;m beginning to be in love with school, how flexible the time tables can be and how I can be goin to the beach as often as I wish to, swim , shop, go crazy.
Im sorry I haven’t had my holiday when most of u did, most days were spent in front of dusty computers, walkin to and fro, praying for 530pm to come quickly just so that I can begin my day. .
It’s the first day of school in 5 hours time. I'm WONDERing what time I’ll wake up. This is me jet-lagging from work HAHAHAHAAHHAAHAHA.
What an excuse im hilarious and a little delirious right now from the lack of sleep. My bullfrog eyebags.
Wha lau eh. school of le sucky suck…im feelin a lil old bird now.
3 years in school.
Who wld have thought 3 years wld fly past so fast?
Today would be a glorious day. Goodnight. : )
happy first day of school..
I got my electives biz law and japanese. hehe yaaaaaay